


(Chapter 3) D&D (Death and Destruction.)

by JoSeeFeen



Series: Only A Few Months [18]
Category: South Park
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23579257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoSeeFeen/pseuds/JoSeeFeen
Summary: Now it's time for me to have fun my amigos >:)
Series: Only A Few Months [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649425





	(Chapter 3) D&D (Death and Destruction.)

**Author's Note:**

> Now it's time for me to have fun my amigos >:)

Hello, my name is Damien Thorn blah blah blah. The reason I made this is so I can whine about HOW AWFUL PHILLIP IS, FUCK HIM DUDE! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!?!?! I'll tell you who he is, a dick! Who kicks their fiance out while asking the to resurrect someone!?!? After I saved his life! Countless times! I'm just so angry right now I have to write this down, kind of like a coping mechanism y'know? Whatever that sounds stupid.

Usually when things like this happens I talk to the best voice of reason anyone can get, my dad, Satan. He's super smart, and very kind, and understands me completely. SO I ring him up. I'm no crybaby but I might have been shedding a few tears, and my cheeks feel hot, and I'm breathing heavily after running off and yelling, my breath is like smoke in the cold air, it's cool. It's not enough to calm me though.

The tone rings. Once, twice, three times...

" Hello, you're speaking to Satan, ruler of Hell and sauna owner. How may I help you?"

" Dad, I have a problem, a-a like really big one..." I whimper. He didn't even know it was me who was calling yet his voice is still kind. Hey Catholics stop being pesky bitches to him.

" Oh Damien! What's wrong, you sound awful! Did you hit your head on a rock again?" 

" No, Phillip kicked me out, and now I don't think we're getting married anymore, and I'm nowhere near my house with no car, AND EVERYTHING'S AWFUL??? It' all-all my fault though because I talked trash about his friends and HE SAID FUCK DAD, AT ME, FUCK WAS DIRECTED TOWARDS ME IN A BAD WAY!" I cried, people were looking at me weird in the streets so I went into an alleyway and crouched down.

" Damien! Damien... Calm down bud. Everything'll be alright! Tell me step by step how everything happened in your perspective." He sounds drowsy, I probably woke him up, it's late where I am, so who knows what time it is where he is, depends on the realm I guess.  
I'm glad I can just call my dad on impulse, it's useful, especially with his innate friendly tone of voice. Some would even say he's 'blessed' with it. He's been 'blessed' with lots of things, for one, he's a great dad. Often putting me before a lot of things that are worth much more. He raised me in a happy home, to this day we have never fought before, and I've never seen him fight someone else, physically or verbally. Admirable. ((Fuck Catholics.

" So-So he jumped of this HUGE hospital with this robot girl and like, didn't die?? Did you do something to him to make him immortal?? Anyways, I had to come pick him up and then he tried explaining shit to me, and I didn't get it, so he got a little frustrated and raised his voice, which led to more and more fighting, then he told me to piss of and then I said I'd never come back a-"

He cut me off. " Damien, Oh my gosh, you cannot expect me to understand all that. But from what I'm hearing you're in quite a pickle. You two never fight, has anything been happening lately?"

I sigh and sniffle. " Well... Yeah... You know when I visited you yesterday?"

" .... Yes....? Why?"

" It's-" I sniffle again. " Actually really funny, I got pinned against a wall by a guy who's attacked Phillip trying to kill him numerous times. He beat me with his gun and then shot me, so I spawned back in Hell... Haha?...."  
He didn't respond, just a long silent pause.

" ... So... Phillip's being chased down buy a guy? How has he been attacked? Are you OK Damien?!" I can barely tell if he's mad or worried, I think both, maybe?

" Yes Dad, I can't really be killed. But Phillip on the other hand.... He's been, let's see... Chased down, choked to almost his death, almost drowned, and chased off a 16 story building, the only thing that saved him from exploding or something, was the soft fluffy cushion of a metal body. I think he might be taking too much in..."

" Well no kidding Damien! Of course he's taking too much in he's being hunted down. Listen Damien you have to get out of there with him. You know that." I have a feeling he's about to give me a 'Dad' lecture which is usually about how I have to do what I know is right, rather than what I feel would make people happy. But whatever.

" Dad, he lives with his roommate and has his dream job here here! Where would we even move anyways? Plus it would cost insane amounts of money!" Now i was getting frustrated.

" I don't know, go back to South Park? Phillip's house is still there right? Eugh, never mind, forget about it. At least stay out of there until this whole thing is over. Or at least stay close to Phillip so he doesn't get killed. You need to apologize to him, I don't care how much you hate apologizing." When my dad speaks like it makes me think I'm a child. Why have I not been with Phillip this whole time, that's so dumb of me!

" I will, thanks Dad. Bye, sleep well."

" Bye Damien, don't hold a grudge like a pussy."  
He hung up.

Thanks Dad, fuck you too. :)


End file.
